i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
