I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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