I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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