Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
