Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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