Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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