i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
