when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
