He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
