Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
