He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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