I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
