so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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