i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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