i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
