guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
