Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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