walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
