just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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