Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
