I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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