It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Damn victory sex feels great
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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