im about as happy as oj after his trial
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
