those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think my fart just growled at me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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