He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
