For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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