So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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