Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
