Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
