xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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