I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
