Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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