I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
