So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
