You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
