Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
