The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
