I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
