You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
