Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
even my farts smell like vagina
you traded sex for a burrito?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
