let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
