Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i barfeds in our rink
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
