OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
