Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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