I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
only you would photoshop your dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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