Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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