whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
