She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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