my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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