We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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