a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
