i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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