I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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