She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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