I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
