She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
